I did get to MAKE A WISH while I had cancer. A whole crew came in and transformed my bedroom into a pink and white fantasy wrapped in cotton candy. It was awesome!
but that's not what this is going to be about.
This is about my original Make A Wish wish that I now know why they couldn't grant it... but at the time it really broke my heart.
When I was diagnosed with cancer we lived in Rigby Idaho. Primary Children's Medical Center was located in Salt Lake City Utah. So every week my mom and I would make the trek to Utah. It's a 3 hour drive. And if any of you have driven from Rigby to Salt Lake you know the area... its mostly just hills and fields.
My favorite memories are driving down to Utah with my mom.
I'd make a nest in the backseat with pillows and quilts and some stuffed animals. (before the days that seat belts were cool... well at least in Idaho they still hadn't caught on yet)
I could sleep, I could read, we'd stop at a truck stop for some drinks and gas, we'd sing songs on the radio, we'd play car games. It was so much fun just hanging out with my mom.
I felt good, I wasn't in pain, I wasn't throwing up, I wasn't getting needles stuck in me, and I wasn't dragging around an I.V. pole. and the funny thing is in the car, riding down to the hospital, it didn't feel like anything bad was going to happen to me. it was like the calm before the storm.
And my favorite thing to do driving down... was day dream. I had this one major day dream that just kept going and going and every time we made that trip it got bigger and bigger.
It started when someone from Make A Wish contacted us and told me that they were going to grant a wish for me. They gave me a couple of weeks to think about it and that someone would come to the house to meet me. Well I couldn't believe it and from that moment on I had one wish and one wish only.
To have a horse.
I know I know...girls love horses... big deal. No, I mean having a horse was like my truest desire in all my heart. I read about horses, I dreamt about them, I walked out in the fields behind our house just to look at neighbors horses. My sister and I even cleaned out an old barn behind our house and stocked it with carrots to try to catch our own horse.
So driving down to Utah I'd look out the window and just daydream about my horse. Not like daydream and think
"hmm I wonder what my horse will look like or hmm what will I name my horse?"
I would totally envision myself riding the horse on the hills and the fields we were passing.
I'd be sitting tall and wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white button down shirt with those riding boots over my jeans. you know those english boots? and I had really long hair that was all flowy like. oh and I totally envisioned myself older like 18... (hey when you are 13 being older was like really cool :)
so as we were driving I'd look out the window and see myself ... the older... cooler... prettier version (with long flowy hair) , riding this amazing horse. Sometimes the horse was black, sometimes brown, but most of the time I envisioned her as a palomino. :) and I'd see this girl looking so beautiful and so happy that it made me feel so happy and gave me a lot of hope.
Sometimes when we got to the top of a pass I'd look out and see her on a mountain top farther up the way... she'd be waiting at the top looking back at me and motion for me to follow. Then.... the horse would do some cool thing... like in Man from Snowy River and rear back and prance her front hooves in the air!!!! Oh man even thinking about it gives me chills :)
And I totally would want to wave back at her.
I'm here!!!
I can see you too!!!
I'll be you soon!!!
As soon as I get my wish :)
So then Make A Wish contacted us and we had a meeting. I remember sitting across from this lady and she said,
"Shellie we want to grant you one wish. What wish do you want to come true"
My heart felt like it was going to explode!
Here goes... in one breath it came out...
"A horse!"
and her face that was all smiley just seconds before... fell. She tried to recover, put her smiley face back on while nodding, but in that instant I knew.
I would never get a horse.
"Well... we'll have to see about that... I don't know if that one is possible honey. Is there anything else... Disneyland, a cruise?"
no.
nothing.
that was my only wish.
I kept it together though, I didn't cry, and I didn't act sad.
"Yeah Disneyland... hmmm how about this... what about that..." we all went around with different ideas. and finally I put the idea out for a room makeover because I thought it would be fun. and it was
the next drive to Utah wasn't as fun...
but the thing is that day dream was still so strong that I still saw it.
I can still see it.
and it still does give me hope :)
but that's not what this is going to be about.
This is about my original Make A Wish wish that I now know why they couldn't grant it... but at the time it really broke my heart.
When I was diagnosed with cancer we lived in Rigby Idaho. Primary Children's Medical Center was located in Salt Lake City Utah. So every week my mom and I would make the trek to Utah. It's a 3 hour drive. And if any of you have driven from Rigby to Salt Lake you know the area... its mostly just hills and fields.
My favorite memories are driving down to Utah with my mom.
I'd make a nest in the backseat with pillows and quilts and some stuffed animals. (before the days that seat belts were cool... well at least in Idaho they still hadn't caught on yet)
I could sleep, I could read, we'd stop at a truck stop for some drinks and gas, we'd sing songs on the radio, we'd play car games. It was so much fun just hanging out with my mom.
I felt good, I wasn't in pain, I wasn't throwing up, I wasn't getting needles stuck in me, and I wasn't dragging around an I.V. pole. and the funny thing is in the car, riding down to the hospital, it didn't feel like anything bad was going to happen to me. it was like the calm before the storm.
And my favorite thing to do driving down... was day dream. I had this one major day dream that just kept going and going and every time we made that trip it got bigger and bigger.
It started when someone from Make A Wish contacted us and told me that they were going to grant a wish for me. They gave me a couple of weeks to think about it and that someone would come to the house to meet me. Well I couldn't believe it and from that moment on I had one wish and one wish only.
To have a horse.
I know I know...girls love horses... big deal. No, I mean having a horse was like my truest desire in all my heart. I read about horses, I dreamt about them, I walked out in the fields behind our house just to look at neighbors horses. My sister and I even cleaned out an old barn behind our house and stocked it with carrots to try to catch our own horse.
So driving down to Utah I'd look out the window and just daydream about my horse. Not like daydream and think
"hmm I wonder what my horse will look like or hmm what will I name my horse?"
I would totally envision myself riding the horse on the hills and the fields we were passing.
I'd be sitting tall and wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white button down shirt with those riding boots over my jeans. you know those english boots? and I had really long hair that was all flowy like. oh and I totally envisioned myself older like 18... (hey when you are 13 being older was like really cool :)
so as we were driving I'd look out the window and see myself ... the older... cooler... prettier version (with long flowy hair) , riding this amazing horse. Sometimes the horse was black, sometimes brown, but most of the time I envisioned her as a palomino. :) and I'd see this girl looking so beautiful and so happy that it made me feel so happy and gave me a lot of hope.
Sometimes when we got to the top of a pass I'd look out and see her on a mountain top farther up the way... she'd be waiting at the top looking back at me and motion for me to follow. Then.... the horse would do some cool thing... like in Man from Snowy River and rear back and prance her front hooves in the air!!!! Oh man even thinking about it gives me chills :)
And I totally would want to wave back at her.
I'm here!!!
I can see you too!!!
I'll be you soon!!!
As soon as I get my wish :)
So then Make A Wish contacted us and we had a meeting. I remember sitting across from this lady and she said,
"Shellie we want to grant you one wish. What wish do you want to come true"
My heart felt like it was going to explode!
Here goes... in one breath it came out...
"A horse!"
and her face that was all smiley just seconds before... fell. She tried to recover, put her smiley face back on while nodding, but in that instant I knew.
I would never get a horse.
"Well... we'll have to see about that... I don't know if that one is possible honey. Is there anything else... Disneyland, a cruise?"
no.
nothing.
that was my only wish.
I kept it together though, I didn't cry, and I didn't act sad.
"Yeah Disneyland... hmmm how about this... what about that..." we all went around with different ideas. and finally I put the idea out for a room makeover because I thought it would be fun. and it was
the next drive to Utah wasn't as fun...
but the thing is that day dream was still so strong that I still saw it.
I can still see it.
and it still does give me hope :)
13 comments:
That story was a whole different feeling than the last one . . . so sad.
Chad . . . get Shellie a horse!! You could keep it out in the woods behind your house and it could protect her from all the peeping Toms (or peeping squirrels!).
:( What they couldn't get you a horse but they could spend just as much on Disneyland or a cruise!! OUTRAGE!!!! I agree Chad get her a horse!!
I wish I could run out and buy you a horse RIGHT NOW!!
http://www.brainfuel.tv/load-bearing-mammals
Shellie your post made me think of this.
Shellie...that is sad!!! I have a horse you can ride anytime you are in Tennessee!!! COME ON DOWN!!
Bristol, that's a pretty funny pic.
We had a horse growing up. Only she lived in AZ and I lived in CA. Mariah was a wedding present to my parents, but we couldn't keep her in the backyard of our 1950s ranch style tract home in the San Fernando Valley. We rode her whenever we came to the farm, and I loved her. Then, when she was growing old in the pasture, my uncle sold her to the glue factory, and I haven't yet gotten over it. So I'm sorry for your horse pain, cause I know horse pain.
That is sad.... As good a foundation as Make a wish is, they can't do everything :( DId you get any pics of your cotton candy pink room??
They send my siser's ex, her, and his family up to seattle, they got to go to a seahawks practice then got a bunch of signed stuff, and he got to do the coin toss before the game.
P.S.
the horse is my sister's...but she would let you ride her anytime! :)
Bristol that picture was awesome. It totally fits!
Merrianne I might take you up on that :) I've had a hunkering to visit TN!
Betsy I do have pics of the room but I don't know where.
Kelly that makes me so sad. But I'm glad that you and I both can share in our horse pain.
:)
I think I asked for a horse for every birthday until I was 18. :)
Maybe when we grow up we can get a horse together. :)
I love that Wild Horses song. I'm sorry you didn't get your horse, but I'm so glad you don't have cancer anymore!
They should have let you ride a horse around Disneyland and dress like a princess!
I'm seriously weeping right now Shellie. First, I had no idea you had cancer and second, couldn't they have gotten you a horse and boarded it for you?
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